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imagined a few days past, his elegant fingers knotted in the covers. A single sound
escaped him, broken.
At that she ran her hands lower, hardly believing she would do it, but with dreamy
fascination she watched her pale fingers encircle his penis. Found him hard and hot, but
sleek. His hips lifted as his knees came up. Gasping, Dev wrapped his hands around hers.
Heat simmered, threatened to boil. Teresa caught her breath at the thrill of touching
him. Reciprocation might kill her.
Do you want me to stop? Her gaze on his, she tugged.
Yes. No. His thighs trembled, tensed and relaxed in time to her rhythm. Tess,
Tess, I need&
What? Her fingers became more certain, working up and down.
She smoothed a thumb over the tip sweeping strokes with her fingertips explored
the tender curve of his testicles, and he gasped, gazing up at her as if he were the helpless
virgin. Eyes locked on his, she read what pleased him. Willed him to feel a fraction of
what she did, beneath layers of fear and uncertainty. Willed everything she felt, straight
into him.
To feed.
I can t & this isn t how ah. He arched, eyes wide and incredulous as a series of
tremors shook through him. His skin flushed to a radiant hue.
Her body felt flushed, moist, and she wished she could fling away the terrycloth
robe. Too much weight on sensitized skin. How she wished she could let him touch her.
Still, Teresa smiled as she lay down beside him in the lavish bed. After a moment s
hesitation, she dropped her head onto his bare chest. Nutmeg and cloves saturated the air.
You fed me, he murmured. But it s not supposed to work like that.
Apparently it does.
With you it does. In the lamplight his face held an oddly vulnerable cast. With a
real man you d have no doubt I mean&
I saw your face. And not to rely upon a cliché, but & you re glowing.
Why didn t she feel more elated? She could prevail. Tonight she d resisted incredible
temptation, turning the tables back on him. Instead she ached, desperately.
Winning suddenly seemed like the biggest loss of her life.
Day Five
For a while, Teresa pretended to sleep.
A knock gave her an excuse to rise. She felt drained. Perhaps the feeling sprang from
lack of rest, the energy he d siphoned the night before, disruption of her routine, or a
combination of all those factors. Wordlessly she slipped her novitiate s robe over the top
of her nightgown crazy how she d become nocturnal so quickly and padded over to
answer the door.
You have a telephone call. Sister Agnes fluttered her hands like two distressed
birds, beckoning Teresa toward the library.
Those simple words formed a core of dread in her stomach. Barefoot, she followed,
and the sensation increased when she saw all the sisters standing in a dove-gray line. All
wore sad, solemn expressions.
Go on. The Mother Superior nodded at the heavy, black rotary phone on her desk.
We ll talk afterward.
After lifting the receiver to her ear, she swallowed twice before she could speak.
Hello?
Hi Teri. It s been a long time. Awkward pause. For a moment she couldn t place
the voice, and then
Ben?
Yeah. I m sorry to bother you like this, but I have news.
What s wrong? Are you okay? Her brother hadn t called her since she left for the
Sisters of Peace, and he d only visited her once at St. Mary s. They weren t exactly close,
never had been.
It s Dad. A fight broke out in his cell and & he didn t make it.
She swayed, and one of the sisters shoved a chair under her before she hit the floor.
I & how did it happen?
I don t know much yet, Teri. I m going to Graterford tomorrow to sign some papers
and make funeral arrangements. Do you think you ll come back for it? It ll probably be
on Monday, cheaper than Sunday. Viewing is Saturday night.
Rubbing a hand over her face, she thought about it, trying to work out what day it
was. Lately they all blurred together. Friday.
I don t know. You still living in Clairton?
Yeah. This house won t sell.
Teresa supposed it wouldn t. Then I know where to find you. You think you ll use
Finney again?
Home of the Affordable Funeral and Cremation. Ask about our cremation packages!
Memories bombarded her. She didn t want to see smears of blood on black and white tile,
didn t want to see her mother s twitching fingertips or her ruined face. Closing her eyes
didn t help.
Probably. I m not exactly rolling in it.
She hung onto her composure by a thread. I ll try to come.
I m sorry I had to tell you over the phone.
It s all right. Bye, Ben.
Sister Ruth took the phone from her nerveless hands, replaced it in the cradle. I m
so sorry, child. I ll put you on the train myself.
The rest of the sisters gathered around her, hugging her as she bowed her head, not in
prayer but in an attempt to stem the tide of mental images. Dark things, pictures she kept
walled up.
Lo, though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death, I will fear no evil&
No, I need to fly.
She needed to ride the winds on the back of a dragon. Needed Dev s arms around
her, not these. Though they meant well, their hands entrapped her. Teresa suffered the
group embrace for a moment longer before she pushed to her feet. Gazing into each face,
one by one, she wondered whether this tainted her in their eyes. They hadn t known
about her father, sentenced to life in Graterford. The order preached forgiveness, but
perhaps it didn t extend to one whose line was so steeped in blood and darkness.
Of course your vows can wait until you return, the Mother Superior said kindly.
We re truly sorry for your loss. Let s pray a little.
She followed to the chapel and she knelt. Teresa whispered her responses through
the Litany of the Blessed Virgin Mary, but she did not feel the usual sense of peace.
Instead she felt as though she were unraveling, any moment to fly apart at the seams.
Thank you, she said when they finished. I need to pack a bag. Excuse me.
Back in her room, she stuffed the remainder of her street clothes into the battered
backpack she d used at St. Mary s. Today things came full circle, though she d only ever
wanted to escape Clairton and find some measure of peace. The weight of it hit her anew
and she slid along the wall to the floor. Teresa wrapped her arms around her legs, her
chin dropping onto her knees. Twilight bathed the room in strange shadows. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
