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first stage of Due Diligence. You never want to waste your time
and energy on someone who isn t excited to get to know you
better.
On the other hand, he may have caught you at a perfect time. So, if
this is a good time and you want to talk with him, the first thing you
say, just as above, How nice to hear from you, in a gracious tone, no
matter how ecstatic you are that he called or upset because it has been
too long.
Let him lead the conversation and keep it brief unless he is the chatty
type. Most men are not. If he wants to make a date always tell him, I
think I m free but let me check my calendar just to be sure. Then
walk away, even if you know you are free. When you come back to
the phone say, Saturday night (or whenever it is) would be great. I m
so happy I m available. Then let him respond with the logistical
details.
Why do I recommend you do this? Well, there are a couple of reasons.
One is, the obvious, that you don t want him to know your calendar is
empty for the next several months. Another has to do with the human
reaction to scarcity. If he thinks you are busy, maybe with other men
trying to get a little bit of your time, his interest will be peaked.
I m not saying you should tell him you have other men vying for your
time. I don t think you should ever lie or blatantly mislead other than
to spare someone s feelings (more about this later). But part of what
needs to happen at this stage of dating is to remember to keep it fun
and playful, or at least your version of fun and playful if you are both
more serious.
Some would say this is childish manipulation. Our behavior is
childish only when it is out of control. We all should allow a little
more childlike energy into our lives. I put an update on Facebook the
other day talking about how fun it is to dance in the kitchen in my
socks. I got so many happy comments about that. Play is essential to
our emotional well-being and the foundation of flirting is play.
Flirting Made Easy Copyright © 2009 by Kara Oh All Rights Reserved
66
= = = = =
Secret About Men: Men are competitive by nature and they need to
work for a goal. You, for now, are the goal. Never make it too easy or
you take away his fun and yours as well. Why? You wouldn t have to
ask if you ve ever had the enjoyment of a man pursuing you. It brings
out the womanly energy in the most delicious ways.
= = = = =
If he s Mr. Efficient and just wants to make an appointment to take
you out, great, go ahead make the date. Be appreciative and let him
know you are looking forward to getting better acquainted. All the
while, stay in your feminine energy and enjoy how good it feels to
have a man you find attractive pursuing you.
If he wants to chat, keep it light and let him lead the conversation.
Most of the Due Diligence should be done face-to-face so you can
read his body language, his facial expressions, how he behaves toward
you, whether or not he treats you like a lady, that he is respectful,
dresses well, etc. This will be the first stage of Due Diligence. At this
stage you are determining if he has the qualities you require and a
personality you enjoy. You hopefully learned enough on your first
meeting to feel like he will, at least, be enjoyable company. Now it s
time to pay closer attention and not simply get swept away with his
charm or good looks.
Mistakes Women Make: They try to do all the Due Diligence in the
first conversation or on the first date. Great big turn-off because it
does not come from Feminine Grace. It s more like a trial lawyer
grilling the defendant. At least that s what men tell me it feels like.
This is an opportunity to find out what he wants, then have an
enjoyable conversation. First, tell him how nice it is to hear from him.
Don t say anything more. Let him take charge. Don t go into Woman
Speak where you start talking to him the same way you would a
girlfriend.
Flirting Made Easy Copyright © 2009 by Kara Oh All Rights Reserved
67
Let this be time where you can get a better feel for each other, as a
kind of continuation of the flirting you were doing the first time you
met. Be light, fun, laugh at his humor, stay tuned to his need to get
from point A to point B, or is he more relaxed, telling stories, etc.
Do keep the conversation short because:
" It s too easy to bond over the phone.
" You could say something that he misunderstands because he
can t see you, and makes a premature judgment about who he
thinks you are.
" You aren t giving him the opportunity to work to win you over.
" You can slip into Woman Speak without realizing it and
without being able to see his face, you won t know he s rolling
his eyes and looking at his watch
How do you get off the phone gracefully? Tell him, with your
Feminine Grace fully flowing, I m enjoying talking to you entirely
too much and I m afraid we ll run out of things to say. Shall we save
some for when we meet on& ? Then let him take charge again. If he
wants to continue talking, as long as neither of you are in the court
room, cross examining, then go a bit longer. But after it feels right,
you need to end the conversation.
To end the conversation, say something like: It has been so much fun
talking with you. I need to get some things done but thank you so
much for calling. I m really looking forward to& (this Friday, our
dinner date, our walk, etc.)
Then, hand control of the balance of the call back to him so he can
take charge again. (Do you see that you are really in charge? By
knowing so clearly what you are doing, even when you hand the
control over to him, you re still in control.) Once you get the hang of
this, you re going to have a lot of fun.
Flirting Made Easy Copyright © 2009 by Kara Oh All Rights Reserved
68
Chapter Three
Internet Flirting
With social networking and dating sites, we can t ignore the Internet
as a powerful and popular way for more and more men and women to
meet. So it s essential to include Internet Flirting in this book.
Your Profile Speaks Volumes
When you write a profile for a dating site, try to be entertaining, light
hearted, creative, playful and fun. Say who you really are, don t sound
demanding, let whoever reads it see that you admire and appreciate
men. Share it with someone who knows you to be sure it gets your
personality across to a potential reader.
To make it is good as possible, read it aloud. It s amazing what you
can pick up that you don t notice when you re reading it to yourself.
You want to come across as intelligent as possible so be sure there are
no typos and your grammar is correct. If you have someone to look it
over first, that would be best. It s very difficult to edit our own
writing.
Years ago, when I tried online dating I wrote a profile that began,
Once upon a time there was a faire maiden& I stayed in character
throughout and the men who responded were very creative. Lots of
white horses and knights in shining armor. We all had a lot of fun
with it.
Most important is to let your personality shine through. Use a fun user [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
